Since four months my son sleeps less, plays more and screams whenever he can’t see me. His need to be interacted with has resulted in me losing hours of time. The only way to survive this has been to maximise every minute he is settled to achieve the most basic of adulting tasks. I obsess over time, when his care needs are due, how long will they take? How fast can I dress? Can I hoover before he wakes? I dream of the ability to freeze time. This obsession has meant it was time to try a routine, this routine has allowed me to eat three times a day, be dressed and between both parents the house is tidy by 9pm.
Some of you may read this thinking she has mastered it, I mean she actually eats, but let me tell you a secret. I live my life as if Its a crystal maze challenge. 08.30 my son watches a 20 minute animation, the second this is on I run to make a cup of tea and porridge (I’ve eaten this more frequently than a uk prisoner). My next break will be at 10.00 I get 15-25 minutes where he sleeps, during this time I can dress myself. Other day breaks will allow me 10 minutes for washing, 1 minute to wee (not a problem as I don’t get time to drink) and 15 minutes for lunch. Due to the time pressure and lack of consistency, I also find myself running round with a level of frantic anxiety, that can only be compared to a contestant on supermarket sweep.
This has led me to the final sign of motherhood. Irrational level responses to small annoyances. Now most of you will remember your own mum calling you ungrateful for leaving a water glass in your room, selfish for improperly loading the dishwasher (or washing up), a pig for leaving your shoes and coat out. This is still so normal, ungrateful you tubers have made their mothers famous with their rants. At a young age, you will have told yourself you will be a calm parent. This will happen because, you never understood why small issues made you suffer such extreme berating, Until now.
My son is too young to be to blame for any of the above. However I have found myself having a huge rant because of small reasons. A neighbour stole my food waste bin, do I really have time to go to a local library to get another. My partner shaves in the bathroom as soon as it’s clean, that was a waste of my time. A parent with a mobile 12 year old just took the only parent/child space, because I’ve got time to park at the back of car park and struggle with a pushchair. The bin men came too early one week, We don’t have time to be on time every week. The neighbours child is using my car space, I don’t have time or strength to be the one who has to walk further. I’ve lost my own keys by leaving them in a coat pocket, blame someone else as you don’t have time to look on your own. Top tip on last one, always use a partner to blame, I mean its partly their fault you now have baby brain and sleep deprivation.
Midway through my rant about the bin (I hoped loud enough for the culprit to hear), I realised my reaction is definitely at an irrational level. I suddenly had the realisation, mums genuinely don’t have any time and live on the edge. This also made me realise it wasn’t until my parents could start coming to my house, to make a mess, that I stopped being told off. Motherhood is a time pressure and no matter what age they are, we are all living on the edge, if anyone throws off our timing, they will unleash an ungodly wrath. But do you know what they deserved it, we just don’t have the time.
So lessons learnt this week is
1. You will never be fast enough to get it all done, but your on this treadmill now so you better keep trying.
2. When you hear a mother ranting tell her she is amazing, she needs to hear it.
3. If anyone complains to you their mum went mad about them not using a coaster, you say “why are you so selfish, your mum is an angel.”
Shout out to my partner, I would be even further behind without you.
Mum – may have taken me years to put my glasses away, but my house looked great for it.
Honestly surviving parenting 