The moment you are told you can leave the hospital was a feeling no one had prepared me for. I was so excited that I had packed up the entire room in 4 minutes- including my partner. We walked out immediately only stopping to take the obligatory door photo, god knows why, I’m hardly going to frame a photo of me after labour and a 5 day admission.
Then I was hit with a sudden awareness, that it was just us and now we were fully responsible for this little man with no monitors or support – my stomach dropped. You demand your partner drive safely, despite the fact he is also nervous and only doing 20 mph. You check they are breathing in the seat 20 times a minute and there is a finger gap between straps – how is it ok we are on our own?
Enter mistake one, you will now proceed to fill the next week with visits and family. They will bring you some helpful items and offer help but let’s be honest you are fumbling your way through and aren’t ready to ask for help. You will be tired by the end of each day as you did not rest, you will feel like you didn’t have enough hugs (with the baby) and everyone will have drunk all your tea and used all the mugs. You will also be faced with challenges like how do I breastfeed when my partners dad is here?, I need to sit down sideways and the sofa is full. Why did we make ourselves so busy?
Oh I know, because you are in huge discomfort and this makes childcare impossible. No one warns you or discussed the discomfort following childbirth. I am certain this is because, what women in their right mind tells a person, without a baby about the devastation that was suffered down there, without embarrassment. (Me apparently)
Now I had an episiotomy – which basically means someone cutting you a bit wider and placing enough stitches down there even sitting or moving off the bed is uncomfortable. Over the proceeding weeks you will alternate between soreness, panic it will never be the same, crying to a male partner due to severe pain and a level of embarrassing itchiness that will result in you running the fastest sitz bath of your life. On a particularly bad day I found myself sitting on a microwaveable sloths face. Now trying to manage this pain whilst getting no sleep and being a primary carer is one of the hardest experiences of your life.
The midwife will discharge you whilst you are still healing and advise you to check it with a mirror regularly. The first time you go to do this, you will panic that it be be reminiscent of the corpse brides- the good news is it won’t. So eventually this pain will pass and when that time comes…
You will be offered a physiotherapy appointment. They will ask if you have managed kegel exercises- you will answer yes knowing full well you are meant to do them more. Then they will offer you a check down there. Now I don’t know about you but I was suddenly aware that no one has ever given a inspection with honest feedback of this area, meaning this could be a good opportunity. Now this is not something I am particularly proud that I used the NHS for but I left feeling extremely confident in myself.
Now all these things pass but the lesson I learnt is – always gift sitz bath salts, a pregnancy pillow, Ice packs and paracetamol at a baby shower.
Honestly surviving parenting 